hello5449

11:25 am: I miss high school.

10:26 am: also,
I forgot to insert that I saved a horse's life using instuctions over the phone. It's because I'm a rockstar.

09:58 am: I'm eating lasts night's dinner for breakfast...and it's kettle corn.
Hey, so, how's it going? I haven't posted in forever, I don't know how everyone else is so much better at it... yesterday I got ran over by a horse...I didn't fall down. today I finished finals. Wednesday I read twilight and did not get swept away in the story. then I saw the movie and still did not get swept away...if my roommate doesn't stop talking about it non-stop I think I'll put her in a box and ship her to forks.

my mom has gone crazy...or rather remains crazy, but gets better at it all the time. she's reaching new levels and I'm scared of her a little bit.
some guy seems to think we're dating. we're not. I dislike him.
my mom has a roommate that is just slightly older than me. I think I would be ok if we were dating. He's from Kansas and gets hurt more impressivly than I do.

I'm going to Arizona soon to see my dad for ten days. and then when I get back I'm going to Kansas City for 3 or 4 days.

I watched the hills and decided I want to be rich by having cameras film me being totally uninteresting and useless to society.

I LOVE CODY!!!
I also love: lying, Q-doba, Aussie people, brownies, calling my friend mike a stoner, rock climbing, dirigiberbles, fort collins, movies, my apartment, and Cody.

I dislike: my mom, and stalkers, and cold weather that should be in Kansas, and Colorado's poor excuse for steak.

Also, cindy is keeping me alive by feeding me...it's a good thing I don't listen to my mom...ever.

11:58 am: ...
I have a killer cold, stress induced shingles, and poisen ivy... and my horoscope says today is a four star day... I think maybe that's out of fifty stars. I'm on a lot of medication. and I like colbert.

10:22 am: Lost my phone, came home mad, got a hug and a kiss and that's too bad. hahahahahahaha that's a song...but it's supposed to be lost my job...but I still have a job...just no phone. I'm bored, and over this shit with my mom. And I'm a bad ass...no time to explain, duty calls.

09:40 am: would you believe this thing with my mom is still happening? She says it's the end of the world for her. I never imagined the end of the world would drag on for so long. I pictured it sort of quick...like ripping off a band-aid. This is like slowly peeling off thousands of bandaids that are stuck to open cuts..ha I crack myself up. I'm just so tired of the whole damn thing. She wants me to end my relationship with cindy...not gonna happen. In her mind, if I don't choose a side it automatically means I've chosen the side against her. she needs to get over it. I'm pretty sure if she knew the physical and emotional stress she was causing she'd feel pretty foolish. But she thinks I'm making the whole thing up. I call her fiona bartelbee. F.B. for short..sometimes I'm so clever...lol. The other day she told me Cindy can't come when I graduate from college. My ass. It's my graduation not hers. Anyone I want to be there, will be there. When I told my mom this she started to cry and said, "You're going to be the first Camaioni to graduate college and instead of being able to enjoy it I'll be worried about Cindy making a scene...It will ruin MY SPECIAL DAY." WTF MATE!?!?!?! I'm pretty sure MY graduation is MY special day. psh. and as far as being worried about cindy, maybe by the time I graduate my mom will have graduated Preschool and learned how to be mature and tolerate people. Especially for my sake...she keeps saying that if I were supportive I'd to this and that and on and on...well if she were supportive she'd realize I want the people I love at important events in my life

Oh and work sucks...I'm ready to retire.
and I need to talk to paul but I lost my phone.
And i have THREE horses!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!

this post was bi-polar...

Tags: fiona bartelbee

07:56 am: life life life
I fired my mom
I have a cold
I have no voice
my mom wants to talk about it.
I told her I have no voice.
she told me to have a nice life.
she told me I chose cindy because she has money.
I told her I love her and need some space.
She says everything isn't run on my time table.
I explained the no voice thing again....
she's no longer talking to me.

Oh and in the middle of all this crap I am running the stables ALONE..... awesome.

09:30 pm: the bear is angry.
Actually the bear is hungry. but I've convinced myself that he's outside trying to get in...which would be easy as all the door are unlocked with lever type handles. I'm pretty sure he hasn't tried to get in since the last time he actually came in... but I have nothing better to do besides lay in bed and freak myself out.. I don't want to eat the rest of my dinner but if I don't he'll smell it and come in my room I think.

Last night I got a crazy migrane (again) and thought I would die. I had to have cindy stop the car so I could puke in the woods. hugging aspen trees is not as fun as it sounds... and by then my head hurt so much that I couldn't help the tears that were streaming down my face. I told cindy it was from the heat and she said she thinks it's stress from my mother. gee she's smart. And then she said that she couldn't love me any more if I were her own daughter and that she knew scotty felt the same way. (she also said she'd pick me and her son-in-law to be stranded on an island with over her own two kids lol) And she said she would confront my mother if I wanted her to. and that no matter what happened with my mom, she'd be there for me. It didn't make the migrane stop, but it was insanely nice to hear. and this morning when I woke up at seven she'd already left with out me because she figured extra sleep would do me good. So I slept till nine and then called her to get me.

07:12 pm: This man in my life.
has:
eaten my food
let a bear in my house
cancelled cable so I have nothing to watch
never learned how to put a phone on a charger
and left the toilet seat up. a lot.
If he wasn't so hilariously awkward I'd kill him.

09:18 am: life life life life life.
So suzy posted about her great grandmother and I've been thinking about mine ever since so I thought I'd write about her.

Grandma Hannah was AMAZING she lived by herself in the heart of New York until the day she died at 98 years old. She refused to move away from the city because she loved it so much. When she was younger she gave voice lessons I remember being little and going to visit her and she'd make me do voice exercises... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmbaaa!

At one time she was the voice coach for bernadette peters. She loved her husband but he died long before I was born so I know very little about her. Even when she got old, she was very stubborn and never gave into the "frail-old-lady-thing" as she called it. Once we walked her to the store and we were taking our time because she was old and she told us if we didn't speed up she'd leave us behind because we'd never get there at that rate. When we got to the store you could take these crazy fast escalators down or the elevator...so we pushed the elevator button but when we turned around she was gone...zipping down the escalator like it was nothing.

Everytime we visited her she'd walk us to bernstien's deli because it was her favorite place. She'd also make us bring her a new york style pizza with extra cheese! she truly was amazing and I miss her a ton.


Soooooooooooooo on to this summer thing. AHHHHHHHH I'm going to kill my mother. If I didn't have a sense of duty and an intense family like friendship with Cindy, I would quit my job. I told Cindy that. She said if it came to that she'd fire my mom herself. Not to be a bitch, I mean I'd hate to leave my mom unemployed, but she's only worked for me for two days and I want to cry. She's not very good at any of the things we do and she takes offense to that. I don't know why... You don't see Cindy trying to cater weddings or me trying to run an elementary school...We are very happy to admit she's better at those things...she however, won't admit she sucks at what we do. Harsh I know..but SO true. I got in off a ride yesterday and found her saddling up three green broke horses because people had shown up to ride. If I hadn't gotten back it would have been an incredible disaster. she didn't even think to call cindy or I and ask what horses to use. I'm all for a gung ho attitude but not when you're going to get people killed. Also, she's sooooooooooooooo slooooowwwwww ........... holy moly. she was bringing me horses to saddle and by the time she'd bring one horse down and bring a new horse up, I'd have the other horse saddled and ready to go down...so I ended up saddling all six horses for a ride. and then on the next ride I thought we'd do the same thing but in reverse so I took a horse down and brought another one up and she wasn't even finished brushing!!!!!!!! omg. really? bleh. bleh. bleh. bleh.....bleh.

Today I'm supposed to be working but it's pouring rain so I'm just lying in bed fuming about life...and how my forehead is sunburnt so when I furrow my eyebrows it hurts a lot...

07:15 pm: summer time
So...I've been neglecting LJ again. since my last post,

Nick called me up to tell me he loves me and wants me back.

I told Nick where he can put his love. Haha just kidding I was nice about it but basically told him to get bent.

My mom got a job...as my employee...I'm her boss. This is going to be tragic. tonight I told her to get something done and she snapped at me about it...ahh the respect, I can feel it in the air.

I kissed a boy...I really ought to stop doing that. But he was cute and named after my horse...(yes my horse, Cody, was born first! so take that cute boy, Cody.) Anyhoo he was the corniest boy I've EVER met. He actually used the line, "I've been wanting to kiss you since the second you walked in the door." pshhhh tee hee. good thing he's cute.

Nick called more and more to tell me he's and idiot for leaving me.

I agreed.

I told one of my roommates she can't live with us next year....tough love..or something.

I leased an apartment.

I gave thanks for the fact I don't live w/ my parents in the summer.

I finished school....

I ran out of things to say on this list....

I kept going for no reason........

I ended this post.....

11:21 pm: Drama Drama Drama
Yesterday was the strangest day ever.

10:39 pm: Lame...
So I just went to the store and my ex was there with a girl. at 10:30. Do you know what you go to the store at 10:30 for if you're a guy? because I do. sort of wierd that he's moving on that fast. I guess I shouldn't make assumptions but why not? My roommate asked why I wanted to go shopping that late and I said it's quiet and no one is there...Ha. It shouldn't bother me because I don't want to be with him at all. As a matter of fact I make a "just ate a lemon" face even when I think about him now. But still wierd to see him with a girl...especially because we've only been broken up with for a month and we dated for almost a year. He didn't see me, I don't think, which is probably better because he's a pansy and it would have been awkward. Plus if I had to talk to him it wouldn't have been pretty. I haven't seen him since the day /before/ we broke up and I have a few thoughts about that, that I'm sure he'd love to hear. seriously, who breaks up over the phone?

Anyways I guess I'll just be happy that I'm better off without him. I just feel like everyone has moved on but me. I've been climbing like everyday..and he's been dating. I know I don't need to date to be me but it doesn't hurt to have some sort of fun that doesn't involve climbing or roommates.

09:54 am: not a hero.
So we've been watching a lot of videos in my Psych class and they are the types of videos where you can't believe what's happening and you think, "I'd act different in that situation, I'd stand up and do something, yeah I'm a bad ass and plus it's right...those people are lame." And then I went to my next class and some people were standing outside the door...so I just assumed the previous class wasn't out...and some more people accumulated and the original people in front of the door walked away. But by then there was so many people there that no one wanted to look like an idiot by checking the door to see if the class was empty because everyone assumed someone else had already checked... So we all waited around until someone got up the nerve to check. And it was empty, so we'd all been standing in the hall for no reason. And then I realized I hadn't even been bad ass enough to look in a door so maybe I'm not so different from the people in those videos. lame. But the other thing is...situations like the ones in the videos probably won't come up in my life....Like if you've seen boondock saints or the brave one. Those people decide they are going to do something about bad things and bad things start presenting themselves. That doesn't happen in real life. Not that I want them too. Just saying I'll never know how I'd react.

And in other news... I hate birthdays. Except for the one where I got a bike. And the one where I beat up Paul. But I hate getting old and having responsibilities. those things are lame.

04:56 pm: I'm sore all the time...
I've been climbing and climbing and climbing and climbing. Friday was pretty awkward...Chloe REFUSES to climb but her boyfriend Dan got a gym membership so he goes with us a lot. And Friday, Emily left for Denver, but I wanted to climb so Dan and I went by ourselves to the climbing gym. and we went early so he could get back to chloe, but we lost track of time and ended up climbing for hours. So by the time we left, we were beat and sore and tired and HUNGRY. And Dan said we should go to Qdoba...and he called chloe and she said she didn't want to go so I figured we'd go home, but he still wanted to go...So...we went to Qdoba and then went home (we live in the same apartment complex) and Chloe had gone over to their mutual friend's apartment so I figured Dan would go home or there...but he came in with me and we just hung out and watched tv for like an hour until Chloe came home... so yeah, I feel like maybe those two aren't totally loving each other any more..

Yeah, this weekend was lame and I have a test and three papers due next week :-( and my birthday is on friday... double :-(

07:28 pm: Mind and Body....and that guy.
So this class I'm taking at the rec center wears me out... more than climbing. I love climbing. I also love that Nick's roommates all talk to me still--small petty victories--that's how I roll. I feel emotionaly worn out. I don't feel like doing anything. I have all these tests coming up and I feel like I don't even care. Also, at some point this semester I started using the phrase, "I feel" at the beggining of every sentence.

Also, my wrists are killing me...the class at the rec, typing, writing, and CLIMBING are ruining them. How do you get carpal tunnel at 19? don't shoe horses. You'll regret it. And I don't want surgery...But everything else on me is getting stronger...My arms are more toned and I'm climbing stronger each time. It helps that my climbing friends push me to try harder routes.

Last night at the rock gym there was a hot boy just sitting on the floor watching us climb. And he watched Emily climb a route and then when she got down we were discussing different things about the route and he started talking to us about different types of beta and he had an accent... Anyways he's from France and he's Ripped. Like seriously built...I know because he climbs shirtless...He has super dark skin and Dark hair...and he introduced himself and was pretty much adorable...and hot. JSYK.

04:55 pm: Lost
So I just got back from Wellington again. It is so windy out there. Plus the guy that's supposed to be checking on the horses hasn't been. That or he thinks horses normally walk around with their knees ripped open and tendons exposed. So yeah I froze my hands off to clean up this injured horse...I think he needs a bandage and maybe some stitches but I don't know how to do it.

So have you seen the show LOST? I didn't get into it when it started but I have been watching it on abc.com and I'm up to season three and I'm ADDICTED. seriously. Last night I was up until three AM watching. not kidding. It's crazy because it's SO DUMB. the things they come up with...you're like...that's the silliest thing ever...but then keep watching.

Anyways I went rock-climbing friday and I did really well. I did a lot of Boulder problems which was exciting for me because I've never bouldered before because my arms weren't strong enough...but I guess they're getting there. I went with my roommate's boyfriend....awkward right..LOL we tried to get her to go and she wouldn't so we went without her.

01:36 pm: So I just got home from Wellington so I'm still thawing out. It was cold and windy and blowing dirt and hay and snow in my face. Oh well at least I got to see Cody...who is mysteriously turning black...I'm not sure if I should be worried. I've heard of old horses turning gray but this is a new one for me. I'm super tired lately. My roommate Emily and I have been going to the rock climbing gym almost every day..which means my wrists are killing me...(I have carpal tunnel syndrome from shoeing horses this summer..lol how old am I?) But I'm too poor for surgery so I'm going to just ignore it like the squid and keep climbing. I've also started a mind/body class at the rec...it's really cool but I feel like such a hippy for being in a class you do barefoot..but it's a really good workout... it's a mix of pilates and yoga and cardio and abs...or something.

Anyways I am so incredibly bored with life today. I miss Nick. well not really, I miss having someone to talk to that isn't my roommate. Oh well, life goes on. The day before yesterday I was like a rockstar rockclimber..and yesterday I was HORRIBLE. I'm not sure why..I think I'm just really apathetic. Yoga mats are only 9.77 at walmart...I just thought you should know


My mom keeps calling me about "that facebook thing" because she thinks you can look at people's profiles all willy nilly and she wants me to spy on people..or something. So yeah I'd better go do that... hope everyone is having a good day.

09:44 pm: sooo hey...how's it going?
Hey...I forgot livejournal existed...how cool am I? It's been like a billion years right? since I last posted I:

Worked all summer as a horse shoer
Had and Eleven and a half month relationship with a boy which ended last tuesday
Learned how to shoot really well.
Made some amazing friends
Had some crazy times
Had some horrible times
Got through them all
Had my heart broken
My mother went insane but we're all too scared to tell her.
My Dad met someone and moved in with her...in Arizona
My Brother is working at finish line as the head manager.
My mom's boyfriend likes me better than him.


So yeah, of course there's tons more. but anyways...how is everyone?

Tags: i'm not dead?

11:04 pm: I am all done with school! just like most of you. now i'm facing the sad reality of living with my mom and working allllll summer. oh well...i get college credit for it..

So. remember how I said i was never coming back to Kansas? Yeah well i'm coming back to Kansas. my dad needs heart surgery to get some heart valves replaced so i'll be home on the 22nd...you people all need to call me...we'll go to sonic and terrorize people!